Diary of a fuckboy part 1
“Why did you do it? Why did you break her heart
into pieces no one will ever be able to make whole
again? Why did you show her the moon and the
stars and the night sky only to tell her that those
things were not made for her?”
Because my dear, she was an open door. She let me
walk right in. Into her mind, her heart, her soul. She
let me in. What’s the point of praying to a god every
day when you flirt with the devil every night? I
never lied to her. I told her I wanted her. And I did.
I wanted her body. But I never wanted her to be
mine nor was I ever going to be truly hers. I made it
clear that I wasn’t going to be the one she walked
down the aisle to. But alas she tried to fight fate.
Valiantly I might add. But the devil no matter how
beautiful will still be the damned devil. And now
she knows not leave her door open at night.
The devil will always stand at your door, it’s your
choice if you let him in.
Diary of a fuckboy part 2
What about her? She didn’t let you in, you fought
for her this time. She slammed the door in your face
and you kept knocking. You put in so much effort.
You made her believe you genuinely cared about
her. After all of it, when she finally let you in; you
left. You left her as if she was just another girl.
Why?
Alas honey, she is. She is just another girl. She put
up a fight. She kept me entertained. But she was
like the others, she fell. She was weak you see.
Fragile from the broken hearts before me. I saw my
chance and I took it. She was vulnerable and I
picked her up. I brought her happiness. I did my
part. It’s not my fault she wrapped herself around
my finger. I did not ask to become her world. But
she made me it anyways. Eventually I became
bored of her and moved on to the next. There is
nothing complicated about it. I never loved her, she
was just good for my ego.
Diary of a fuckboy part 3
How dare you? Who gave you the fucking right to
break her? She was a free spirit. So pure, so
innocent, so fiercely passionate, and you =ruined it
all. Do you even realize how badly she loved you.
How much she craved you? You became IT for her.
The only thing that mattered for her. She was
willing to throw everything away to become what
you wanted. She was okay with giving everything
to you just to see you smile. But that still wasn’t
enough for you was it?
Sometimes you really amuse me. How dare I? How
dare I bring someone joy? How dare I show
someone what it means to be loves deeply? How
dare I make her feel that her dreadful life could
have a happy ever after? No. You have no right to
accuse me of ruining her. For I did not tell her to
love me. I didn’t ask her to give everything away
for me. I never once told her that I was hers. I loved
the attention she gave me. I gave it back too, for a
while. But alas the googly eyes do not last forever.
And eventually her everything wasn’t enough
anymore. Something better came along, something
that was less effort. And I let her go. She was never
going to last anyway. It was simple really. She
loved me, and I loved having something pretty by
my side. All she really was, was something to
decorate me. And eventually she just went out of
style.
Diary of a fuckboy part 4
Where are you morals? You knew she was broken.
She was vulnerable, weak, hurt. She couldn’t even
male it through a day sober. But that wasn’t enough
for you? You had to become her drug. You became
her addiction. She went to you whenever anything
happened and you got off on that didn’t you? It
made you feel powerful, strong maybe for once in
your pathetic life you feel like a man. But you’re
not. You’re a worthless piece of shit who took
advantage of a broken soul. You had your fun and
then when you knew she was completely and utterly
under your spell. You took a broken heart, fixed it,
and then poisoned it so bad that it can never be
cured. And for what? To stroke your ego? You
disgust me.
You know, you’re right. I did become her drug, but
it’s not my fault she overdosed. I saved her. I saved
her from herself. If I didn’t step in, she would’ve
destroyed everything she holds dear. I never wanted
her to latch on to me. But she did. She was just like
everyone else. She knew who I was and what she
was getting herself into. I made no promises. She
knew what I wanted and she gave it to me. It’s not
my fault it wasn’t enough to make me stay. She
wasn’t enough for me, and she never will be. I
showed her the beauty of life, she only saw the
beauty of I. She gave into her lust. I may be a
sinner but she wasn’t a saint.
Epilogue
That’s all. That’s every girl. Every heart that I’ve
broke. Every soul that I’ve crushed. But Mi Amor, I
swear I won’t do it to you. I couldn’t do it to you.
Those girls were lessons, I needed to grow and learn
to love. They were experiences I needed to
experience and feelings I need to feel. So when the time
came to love you I could. I would be ready.
You’ve got to trust me. You know I could never
hurt you.
I’m not really sure what to say to that, But I’m
sorry. I’m sorry because this isn’t going to work
between us. I’m leaving you. But before I leave
you, I’m going to tell you exactly why.
Right now I feel sick. Not sick as in a fever sick, but sick
as in I want to throw up every time I look at
you. My stomach is in a knot right now. It feels like
every ounce of life has been sucked out of me. I
want rip every inch of my skin off. I want to burn
everything you’ve ever touched. It hurts more and
more every breath I take. I can’t even bring myself
to fucking cry. I love you. I don’t want you to think
that I don’t, because I do. I’m completely head over
heels fell in love with you. But I don’t trust you, I
don’t believe in your words anymore, and I sure as
hell don’t respect you. Those girls, they were naive.
I’m not. I know this isn’t going to last forever. Yes,
there’s a chance that you don’t fuck me over,
there’s a chance I am happy with you, there’s a
chance that you really are the love of my life. But
that’s a chance I’m not willing to take. I can’t look
past your past. I can’t give you my heart anymore.
And if I can’t love you with all of me, I will not
love you with any of me. You cannot expect to have
your happily ever after you destroyed so many
others. That’s not how the world works. You don’t
get to drive off into the sunset with a path of
destruction in your wake. I’m sorry. I’m not sorry
for leaving you because honestly you don’t deserve
me. I’m sorry that you’re a fuckboy. And I hope
you know it’s taking everything I have in me to
leave you. I hope you never have to feel pain like
this in your life. But if you do, I hope you always
remember that you truly and genuinely deserve it.
Prologue
Welcome to my diary. This was written for the sole
purpose of the confession of my sins. i think I have
finally found a girl who I love with every single
fibre of my being. I have been a sinner for as long
as I can remember. I have broken hearts and souls
everywhere I go. But she’s different. I hope that I
can love this girl so much and so hard that I can
wash the pain of all the others away. I have decided
to tell her about my past. I don’t want to keep any
secrets from her. I want to be honest about who I
was as a person. I want her to know that I have only truly
ever loved her and I will only be able to ever love
her. She doesn’t have my heart. She is my heart.
Everything I do now, I do for her. I want her to be
able to know that when I say things to her I mean
them. for the first time in my life the words I say
aren’t just words anymore. They are the feelings
that stream through my body and out my mouth.
Yet they are never enough. I will never be able to
tell this girl how much I really do love her. So
show her, I’m writing a diary. The diary of a
fuckboy. The boy I was before I met her and she
taught me what it really meant to be with someone.
What love really feels like. I hope that after reading
this you still love me the way you do now. As cliché
as it sounds, you made me a better person. You
taught me how it feels to care about someone more
than yourself. And for once in my pathetic
miserable life, you made me feel like I am worth
something. I love you. I love yo more than I’ve
ever loved anything else in my life. When you read
these please remember, that I am and will always be
yours.
