I know times are rough right now, but it’s okay. Your world is shattered and everything you knew fell apart. The dreams of being able to pop out metal claws like Wolverine or swinging through the city like Spiderman was in New York is now a distant memory. A dream that you knew was eventually gonna become a pipe dream. You’ve grown to shut yourself out from the world. I mean what else were you supposed to do? We made a promise to be great and here
we are. You’ve graduated college with an associates degree and soon a bachelors.
There are bumps in the road, but what journey doesn’t? The pent up rage you kept bottled up is now the love you give to others. The bitterness and loneliness you felt is now empathy and compassion you give to others. You grew up with your feelings invalidated and never heard, twisting your reality like Dr. Strange showing you different universes. Who knows? Maybe in a different universe that doesn’t happen.
You were left with nothing to guide you like young Luke when he had to take up the mantle of a Jedi. I’m sorry you had to toughen up at such a young age. You’re the protagonist of this story, so this fight had to be won. It wasn’t fair to you though. All the nights crying about not being good enough or all the days you spent holding back rage was something that shouldn’t have festered to begin with. You were forced to pick paths from two different ideologies. One understood and coddled you, and the other wanted you to be successful in exchange for being emotionally ignorant. They both tried, but at what cost did it take? Trying not to be like their parents is what made them their parents. Not to the extremes of being a carbon copy, but enough to leave a mark where it was seen. I wish they did a better job for you because you were the guinea pig to even pave the way.
“The demons made you, you. They’ve built you to be the person you’re inspiring to be today. It’s okay to accept them and wear them on your sleeve. You haven’t let them win even in the worst of times, so don’t let them win at no point. They’re the true definition of a double edged sword, but this sword made you stronger as you progressed with it.”
It’s okay to love yourself a bit and to be who you are. Nobody has the same journey. Nobody is the same person. Everybody has their own character sheets that make them unique, and you are no different. You’re just in a Soulsbourne world figuring out what to do first, and that’s okay. You are you. A black man triumphing over the obstacles put in front of you. Fighting each major boss to progress through your story. Keep loving yourself, Xae. You’ve done so much and strive for so much more. I wish you the best.
Love yours, Xae