Consent
A Noun, meaning: permission for something to happen
or agreement to do something.
There’s no such thing.
Because in today’s society,
no means yes,
no matter how many times I scream.
Consent is feeling helpless,
feeling every movement inside me
but not being able to stop it
It’s watching my eyes fill with tears,
and my palms fill with sweat, while I silently, scream for help,
even though I know there’s no one in the room, but me and him
It’s his body, on top of mine.
His scent, assaulting my nose,
his voice burning in my ears,
as he asks me “how does it feel”
The weight of him on top of me, is crushing my insides,
the heaviness of his body causing me to pass out,
until he slightly shifts and brings me back to reality
that “This man that I trusted is raping me”
Consent is feeling empty.
The reason I don’t trust men
Why I have nightmares
Why when I’m having sex, I’m scared to be underneath
why I wear this mask
The reason I’m broken inside
Why I struggle in my adult life, with consistency,
Why I murdered myself,
took handfuls of pills,
in Hope it would result in my death
Consent is the reason I have all these scars
on my wrists,
down my legs,
on my stomach,
and on my breast’s
Why I love so hard and break so easily
Why for so long I was scared to show the real me.
Why even now the thought of a man still scares me,
because my worst nightmare, turned into my reality .
For the man that molested me when was 8 years old,
I, never gave you the permission, to invade my soul,
you, came in my body, and destroyed my intake
And for years I thought that it was my mistake.
The, boy that raped me on the top floor of the church,
you’re the reason my faith in God is gone.
Because after we prayed that Sunday morning,
you took it upon yourself to “get you some”
The man, that raped me in the comfort of his own home,
when I cried “stop”
why wouldn’t you just listen and leave me alone?
For the boy, that molested me, for all those years,
why wouldn’t you stop after all my tears?
Why was it okay to keep going,
to not hear me when I begged for you mercy
I hate consent, it is what broke me.
Because my consent never meant a thing,
people took what the wanted them left me weeping,
wondering why my permission was never needed.
Consent,
A Noun, meaning: permission for something to happen or
agreement to do something.
A verb, meaning: Do what you want, because what I want doesn’t
matter.
A word, that to me has no value.
Consent, a noun, a verb, a word, with so many different meaning
and so many different interpretations that society doesn’t recognize
what it actually resulted in.
